英文添削サービス「IDIY」を2週間使ってみて激烈に英作文能力が伸びた / Improved English composition ability drastically with a service called "IDIY" for two weeks

英文添削WEBサービス IDIYを使ってみて、非常に優秀だった、というのは先日ブログに書いた通りです。
http://www.shosha-man.com/2018/08/web-idiy-used-english-correction-web.html

As I wrote in my blog the other day, I found 'English composition correction service "IDIY" was superb in quality.


おい、どうせ二日坊主で終わるだろ、と思った人もいるかもしれませんが、「定期券コース」なので、もったいないですし、何よりためになるので、毎日続けています。

Some might have thought, "Hey, you don't stick doing it, probably you quit it within three days", but since I subscribed to a "Monthly Ticket Course" and not keep on using it means losing money, I've utilizing the service everyday.


講師も2週間たってほめてくれるようになったのですが、このブログにぐちゃぐちゃと日本語で口語調に、一文をだらっと、要は長文で書いている文章をかなり良く構成して書けるようになってきました。本当に講師の先生たちのおかげであります。
（先生たちも修正に頭を使うので、正直長文はレビューが大変だと思ってはいます）

Teachers began commending me around two weeks after my inception of the service - with the loooong sentences in colloquial style of Japanese in my blog, I now can construct English translated sentences fairly well.  Everything is thanks to the IDIY teachers.
(Honestly, I assume teachers don't like to review long sentences since it consume a lot of time)


なんか、長文で英語を書けるのがカッコいい（時にTimeやWall Street Journalのような格調の高い新聞は往々にして長文があるので）と思っていましたが、やっぱり日本語と同様、読みやすいのが一番で、どうしても関係や構造を示すために長文にせざるを得ない場合は、主にコンマ、そしてそれでもだめならセミコロンやダッシュを使って、構造を明確にする必要がある、っていうことを今回2週間で学びました。

First of all, I thought that writing a long English sentence is 'cool' because some noble newspaper such as Time and Wall Street Journal often has long ones, however, at the end of the day as similar to Japanese it is best to have easy to read sentences.  If you can't avoid to write long sentence to illustrate relationships or structure of issues, we can use mainly commas(,) , otherwise semi colon (;) or dash(-).  This is what I learned about sentence structure.


日本人は大学の英文科でも行かないと、高校・大学でしっかりと英作文を習わないので、個人的なサボタージュの言い訳かも知れませんが、正確な英作文は苦手だ、と今回思いました。（もちろん、意味が通じる程度には書くことが出来る）
国際社会で生き抜くためには、正しい英語がちゃんと書けなきゃいけないなと。

Japanese are, unless majoring in English Literature in a university, since we don't learn legitimate English composition, generally poor in it.  (We can still write sentences which just make sense, though)
To survive in a global world, we shall write correct and right English.


IDIYの1回毎の講師の添削の品質は本当に素晴らしく、どの講師もとても親身で丁寧です。
ただ、個人的に思うこのシステム・サービスの課題は、「自分の誤りパターン毎に、過去の添削のレビューコメントをまとめてくれない」という点です。

Quality of reviews of Teachers in IDIY is superb, and what is more, they are very cordial and detail-oriented.
However, I think a challenge of this service is that 'it doesn't automatically sort out review comments of teachers by error categories'.  (e.g a/the/plural/word choice/tense/transition of sentences etc.)



これを毎回自分の手でEvernoteへの転記という形で1回15分くらいかけてやっています…
これは非常に手間がかかる作業である一方、しっかりと頭に刷り込むことが出来る（なかなか人間、読むだけでは覚えられない。紙に文字を書く、本にラインマーカーをひく、Evernoteにマウスでコピペする、なんでも手を動かさないと覚えられないのは私だけでしょうか）ので大きな不満ではないですが、この点をAI化・自動化出来ればIDIYは最強でしょうね。

I do the categorization work by myself manually copy-and-pasting them to Evernote, taking 15 minutes for every review/comments I received.
This takes a lot of efforts/time, but because I can imprint their profitable comments, I don't care much.  (Unless writing something on a paper/underlining lines in a book/copy and paste sentences to Evernote, it's hard to remember things.  Is it just for me?)  Nevertheless, if IDIY can do this automatically with AI, it can be a real killer tool for earnest English learners.



英語学習に興味がある人は下記Evernoteノートは参考まで。
これらのコメントは、自己学習じゃ決して身に着けられません。ネイティブ講師がいるからこそ得られるレベルの添削・指導です。
本当に素晴らしい時代になったなと思いますし、これこそクラウドテクノロジーの恩恵でもありますし、繰り返しですが講師の方々に深謝です。

If you are interested in English learning, the below is FYI. 
These items listed below can be never acquired by self-learning.  This can be attained only with native teachers.
I appreciate the great Internet era, thank cloud technology, and again, everything was possible with kind and hard-working IDIY teachers.  Thank you for helping me learn English, everyday.

Comma

• Carefully study the usage of native writer [by myself]
• The opening few words are a transition. A transition marks an introduction to a sentence. It's a way to show the reader how to understand the upcoming information.
  It's separate from the rest of the sentence, and is always separated by a comma.
• Nevertheless,
• I have put a comma on either side of "at noon" because this is extra information that is not absolutely necessary.
  Commas here will show the reader it is added information.
• I have put "such as..." in between commas in order to create a pause.
  Native English speakers usually use this so that their sentence is clear for the reader.
• Too many commas ＝ "a run-on sentence"
  〈主に米〉《文法》無終止文◆ピリオドや接続詞を使わずにカンマ・セミコロン・ダーシなどだけで複数のセンテンスをつなぎ合わせた文。非文法的な表記法とされる。
• A comma (,) is placed after "Recently," to emphasize the shift in tone.
• Because there is much detail in the sentence, the additional piece (fact about Elon Musk) is framed in dashes (--).
  This preserves a natural and organized flow of language.
• The comma (,) is added after "services," because the portion that follows resembles an answer or fulfillment to the first part of the sentence.
  This is called a "period sentence:" when the most important fact of the sentence is located at the very end, instead of at the beginning:
  a. Giving away personal information is an inevitable price as far as I use free and convenient services.
  b. (periodic): As far as I use free and convenient services, giving away personal information is an inevitable price.
• The sentence is very long, therefore it has been organized and split by a comma (,) to emphasize the two ideas contained.
• Because "provided [...] pronunciation," is an extra detail which hangs off the edge/end of the already complete sentence, it should be preceded by a comma.
• The comma is necessary preceding ", and challenges," because it is one of the things you list.
• "over and over," is an additional detail (the sentence doesn't need it to be complete, though it is slightly changed by the use of it); thus, a comma is required before it.
• comma introduces the last part of the sentence, because it is an additional detail (like "over and over" from the previous sentence).
• My only advice is this: certain words act as adjectives when placed at the end of a sentence ("over and over," as well as, "also," "too," "tomorrow,"); always use a comma before this extra/dangling word
  (tip: if the sentence is complete without that dangling word, you know it's extra/needs a comma before).
• "such as Evernote," is placed within commas, because it is an additional, detailing fragment which slightly interrupts the organic sentence.
• be mindful about the placement of multiple, separate details in a sentence.
  If there are too many separate details, try to squeeze them together into one; for example,
  "For the run part, if he walks with a pace of real state agency's benchmark, which is 4.8km/hour commercially, for 100km, he will be able to do it for 21 hours,"
  became:
  "During the run, if he walks with a pace of real state agency's benchmark, 4.8 km/hour commercially, he will be able to complete 100 km in 21 hours,"
  because, "100 km," has been squeezed into the greater statement of the last portion of the sentence.
• Comma (,) may OR may not be placed before "is superb;" this is a fun addition, which emphasizes your tone/ it forces the reader to see the importance of the final words 😉
• 
  

Semicolon

• Because the sentence has many parts which are all important, a semicolon (;) is used to present the second portion of the statement, which is a slightly different, yet connected idea.
• Because the sentence contains two very distinct ideas, representing a contrast or irony, it has been split by a semicolon (;) which allows you to express, in an organized way, the differences of each part of the greater sentence.
• 
  

Split a sentence

• Secondly, I would like to suggest that we split this sentence into two sentences. Instead of writing '...basically they seem to hire people through their network, to put it the other way around.....' please write '...basically they seem to hire people through their network. To put it the other way around.....
  'Dividing the sentence into two corrects a grammatical error (a run on sentence with a comma splice) and also make it easier for the reader to follow the meaning of the writing.
• 
  

Expression/Choice of Words

• If you would like vocabulary variations for "start", you may use these verbs in this context: "begin" or "commence".
• If would like to use a more specific term for this type of "news article", you can use the term "weather report".
• I have changed "timing" to "time" because that is the correct word.
  Please see examples below.
    It suddenly rained during our barbecue party which was bad timing.
    It was a bad time to have a barbecue because it suddenly rained.
    Christmas time comes once a year.
• "Contrary" is not an appropriate word to use in order to connect this sentence to the previous sentence.
  You should use "on the other hand " or "however". I have chosen "however" to make the sentence flow better.
• In order to keep consistency with the rest of your text, I have changed "update" to "renew".
  "Update" is correct, however you have used "renew" multiple times in the text. It is neater to use the same verb, especially at the end of the text.
• "SNS," is used as an adjective for "personal accounts," because fewer words sometimes equal fluid language. accounts of SNS -> SNS accounts.
• "payback," is too general and abstract a term for this specific sentence; plus, it is improper to say, "a payback,"
  but you can properly say, "a price" ("price," always being singular).
• "I imagine," is added, in order to emphasize that this is an opinion you have, but it is not a fact.
  Same reason "When," is changed to, "If."
• "here," is removed, because it is not necessary; the sentence already implies "here."
• "my," is added in front of, "Google search pages," to emphasize that you suspect your personal Google will be receptive to you.
• Aim to avoid using, "not" to describe something;
  instead, describe the thing to the best of your ability: "not enough," sounds more natural is you instead say, "fell short."
• "them" is specified to "representatives" to promote natural syntax (sentence structuring);
  "daily," simplifies the sentence, again, to feel more natural.  <-- everyday
• Firstly, instead of writing 'hires' (near the beginning of the sentence), please write 'hirees'.
  I am wondering if this was just a typing error? Anyway, a hiree is someone who is hired by someone else, the hirer.
• "time and time again" for a drastic change <-- "over and over" [Kazuo Inamori]
• "strive for," is the proper and natural phrase, rather than, "strive after."  [Kazuo Inamori]
  "chase after," "go after," and "run after," are acceptable;
  "strive for," "hope for," and "wish for," are acceptable.
• "inner power," is a phrase we use to describe generally, the combined internal powers of a person :)   [Kazuo Inamori]
• "using the source of our" for a drastic change  --> using the source of our inner power
• "On previous days," or "In previous times," are appropriate.
• "greatly," and "as an encouraging reminder" for a drastic change
• "motto" -- quote or saying;
  "mantra" -- words connected to personal philosophy, belief, or lifestyle.
  "it is my mantra," for a drastic change
• "Complaints about," is the proper form of the phrase, rather than the incorrect, "complaints in."
  "no complaints about," "no thoughts about," "no jokes about," are written this way;
  "no trust in," "no faith in," "no comfort in," are often paired with "in" ;)
• or drastic change: "... intrinsically carry critical defects; namely the popular complaint, "you don't see 'to-do's' unless you open it!"
• "he/she" and "he or she," are not necessary; "he" is the universally applied pronoun when discussing a hypothetical, nonexistent person, where their gender is irrelevant.
  You are free to use them, however! This is just a suggestion ;)
• "all the time," implies at all times, or permanently;
  "at any time," implies, whenever they wish to open Evernote.
  all the time -> at any time
• "simply," is nice, to emphasize the point of the sentence
  (there are some convenient, easy features), which lends respectful credit to the counterargument 😉
• "intentionally" is a lovely word
• "humans are easy to slack off," implies that "it's easy to slack humans." for example, we say:
  - "she's easy to scare." (it is easy to scare her)
  - "their easy to please." (it is easy to please them)
  vs.
  - "she is prone to getting scared." (she gets scared: "she" is the subject, like "humans," in your sentence)
  - "they are easily pleased." (they become please: "they," is the subject, like "humans.")
  Thus: "humans are prone to slacking off." (they slack off)
  you could also say, "thus easily slack off."
• "able to do it," is too general; thus it has been specified as, "able to complete it."
• (run) "to come home," is unnecessary, because the common expression is, simplified into one, "home." For example:
  a. "He ran home after school."
  b. "They ran 3 miles, and up 2 flights of stairs, home."
• "having," is the common expression for certain nouns/verbs:
  "having food," "having breakfast/lunch/dinner," "having fun," "having tea/drinks"
  "taking," is used for others: "taking medicine," "taking time to do something," "taking kindness on a person."
• "At that rate," is a nice change-up from the already used, "with that pace."
• "most likely," added to the middle of the sentence, replaces, "Pro ratably;" this makes the sentence fluid.
• I have suggested a significant change to the start of your sentence, and I just hope that my change captures what you wish to express here, as your meaning is not fully clear to me. So, anyway, I am suggesting that you please change 'should' to 'would', so that the sentence reads 'VCs would not.....'. The reason why I prefer 'would' here is that it is often used when talking about the future, or when describing something that you imagine. In this situation, I think you are imagining the scenario where VCs make this particular statement. So for this sentence, I would prefer you to use 'would'.
• In addition to this, I would like to suggest using the phrase 'make themselves vulnerable' instead of 'not be vulnerable'. I hope that this is true to your meaning. The phrase 'make themselves vulnerable' means exposing one's weaknesses to others, which can open up the risk of detrimental action being taken against you. So, in the context of your sentence, it would mean that by admitting 'We were attracted to the vision and concept of ......', then VCs who express these feelings would do so at no disadvantage to themselves. I hope that this is what you want to say?
• The phrase 'should not be vulnerable at all' is a little ambiguous, because there are two slightly different meanings that it could have. It could mean they should not say this, and in this context, it is as if you are advising them not to say this. (I did not take this to be your meaning.) Secondly, it could mean that by saying this, they would not become vulnerable. (I took this to be your meaning.)
• In case you are interested, an alternative sentence with similar meaning might be
  'To preserve their unique qualities, they should be allowed to remain a private company if they wish.'
  <-- In order not to change their culture, they don't have to go public, if they don't want to".
• I would also like to suggest including 'to see', so that your sentence reads '..I am curious to see...'.
  This is not essential, but I think it sounds good. It gives the implication that you will be observing the situation.
• Your use of the term 'sky-rocketing' is very appropriate and idiomatic.
• In case you are interested, an alternative sentence with a similar meaning is
  'Having said this, despite the expense of research and development , business development and the burgeoning cost of hiring engineering personnel, it appears that Airbnb's future is not dependent on generating investment by IPOing.'
• "to the point where" is the natural expression while discussing points reaching specific outcomes.
  <-- to the point which
• drastic change: "What a marvelous browser-based spreadsheet Google has engineered, in these times of technological advancement!" (emphasizes the amazement at this time of technological advancement/ general view of situation)
• drastic change: "What a marvelous time of technological advancement, that has brought us the tool of Google Spreadsheet!" (emphasizes the amazement at Google Spreadsheet/ specific point to program)
• "Previously," and "personally," are both:
  a. transition words,
  b. adjectives
  Therefore, they are unnatural when paired together; thus, "Previously" has been cut and insinuated in the words, "never used to."
• drastic change: "I never imagined we would come so far in web technology."

Formality

• "get to," is informal, because it is too conversational (does not make sense literally);
  "begin to write," is formal and specific.
• "tons" comes off as informal, or too conversational. "countless" allows you to emphasize the same amount, with a more powerful word.
• "such as," is formal, while, "like," is too conversational/informal.
• "and others," is formal, while, "etc," is informal (all abbreviations are informal, actually).
• "Yet," is more formal than, "but," especially to begin a sentence.
• "For the run part," comes off informal; "For the running portion," is a more formal version of the statement.
  Still, "During the run," is more natural, because it is shortest, and simply uses "run," as a noun.
• 
  

Plural

• "Many" is plural, so we need the third person plural form of the verb. It's like "they": "they start".
• "For every services I use/subscribe" has a mistake. "Services" is a plural so you cannot use "every".
  You should either use "all services" or "every service". I have changed it to "every service".
• "Withdrawals" should be plural. This is because it is a regular activity.
• "a price" ("price," always being singular).
• "Europeans," is plural, in order to refer to a general population.
• "a bunch of photos:" plural form of "photos," is necessary. Just like, for example, "a bunch of people," not "person."
• "dreams" is plural, because "our" is plural. [Kazuo Inamori]
• Beauuuuutiful! I only altered "effort" to plural form, because "our" is plural;
  "determination" implies both plural or singular in this context, so no change is necessary. [Kazuo Inamori]
• "those" refers to many things; thus "despair and distress" has been modified to plural. [Kazuo Inamori]
• "which is," is problematic, because the subject of that verb is in plural form ("critical defects"), therefore it should say, "which are," or "which include."
  This structure emphasizes the most important fact of the sentence (the specific defect introduced), because:
  a using the semicolon to introduce it is a way of telling your reader you will be naming and focusing on a specific example; it catches their focus.
  b. "; namely that," simplifies by removing the extra/empty words, "which are."
• "you don't see to-do's unless you open it:" what do you mean by "it?"
  a. if you mean, "unless you open the app," then "it," works great.
  b. if you mean, "unless you open the to-do's listed" (as in a few of them), then "them," is appropriate.

The/A

• We always say "the US".
• it is a little difficult for me to understand exactly what you're writing about.
  Because you say, "the exam," it means you are referring to a a specific exam, but I'm not sure which one.
  If you're talking about exams in general, it would be better to say "exams" without "the".
  I'd also recommend that you summarise or at least introduce the topic in your first sentence.
  For example, you could add a sentence at the beginning, like this: "Exams are tough, and not everyone passes them."
• a Thai domestic flight (x Thai domestic flight)
• The noun "transit" does not require an indefinite article in this context, so I deleted "a".
• Native English speakers say "a news article", so I added "a".
• "I have a plenty" is incorrect. I have removed "a".
  Please see examples below.
    I have plenty of money.
  He has plenty of water.
  You had plenty of time to finish your homework.
• * a" is removed from "business," because it is not necessary.
  We can appropriately say, "I conduct business," or "I engaged in business."
• Lastly, please use an article before the word 'internship' (near the end of the sentence).
  The appropriate article is 'an', giving us 'an internship'. The reason that the article is important is that the word 'internship' is a countable noun.
• Certain nouns that are more general ("service," "web browser," "government," "country") are paired with "the."
  - "free version of [the] service" (sentence 1)
  - "open [the] browser version" (sentence 3)
• Firstly, please omit the word 'the' from the beginning of the sentence. Instead of writing 'What are the existing VCs...' just write 'What are existing VCs...'. The reason for this, is that the article '..the...' is mostly used to refer to something that the reader is already aware of. Since VCs have not been discussed in this essay previously, it is best not to use 'the'. (I notice that you did not use 'the' in your post, and that was better.)
• Please just change '....put a pressure....' to '....put pressure...'. The reason for this is that in general speech, the word 'pressure' is always an uncountable noun.
  In science, especially physics or in mechanics, it can be used in the countable or uncountable form depending on the context. Here are some example sentences.
• The front left tyre of the car has an air pressure of just 32 pounds per square inch. (This relates to mechanics or physics, and it is used in the countable form.)
• Studying for my final exams puts me under so much pressure. (This is general usage, and here 'pressure' is an uncountable noun.)
• Pressure is measured in pascals. (This relates to physics, and here 'pressure' is used in the uncountable form, because it is not referring to an exact measurement.)
• "a" minimum, is necessary, because it is a generally marked minimum level of some measure, but that specific measure is not named.
• "a web," implies one very specific, literal web; "web," is the common reference to the general world wide web.
• 
  

Tense

• As the process of aging happens over time, we should use "has been changing" rather than "had been."
  This shows that it's still happening now (because you are still getting older).
• Because your other sentences are in the present simple and you are speaking in general, it's more natural to continue with the present simple here: "can't".
• "I've," is necessary, because it is unnatural to say, "I recently see;"
  "recently," still refers to a past time, therefore it is more natural to say, "I have recently seen," which implies current and more specifically recent past.
• "Have cooked," employs more natural use of language.
• "I register" makes sense but if you want to note an action you have done before and completed, it is better to use "I have registered".
  Please see other examples below.
    I have applied to 10 universities.
    I have sold many cars.
    I have spoken many people.
• Next, I recommend that you change '...having someone in the industry and ask them to....' to '...having someone in the industry and asking them to...'
  Since you have started this sentence in the present progressive tense, it is best to continue in that same tense.
• "pinned," has been altered to represent the past ("previous times").
• "I've used," implies that you have used it before, but not anymore;
  "I've been using," implies you have used it for 8 years, and you still do.
• "is using," to emphasize that this is a modern, everyday custom.
• We always "look back on the past;" it is the natural form of the phrase.
• "has limited," emphasizes the past, as well as current/persisting situation.  --> Google has limited functions
• 
  

Redundancy

• You do not need to say "already" because you have said "automatically".
  Usually we do not put "automatically" and "already" together because they are quite similar in meaning. (However, they are not the same meaning).
• "of time" is removed, because "one point," already implies a point of time ;) It becomes redundant/ repetitive.
• use and speak," mean too similar a word in this context, thus it comes off as redundant;
  "use aloud," offers the fact that, you used them out loud.
• e-mails," is already used in the sentence above, therefore it is nice to use another word, "messages."
• "and put it in my file and I still keep them," prolongs the sentence, but by simplifying/ combining them, the natural flow of comfortable language is preserved.
  ->, and I have it saved in my files to this day.
• In, "tab for it," the words, "for it," are unnecessary, but also, they confuse the sentence just a little.
• "Above all," and "As for (subject)" are both transition statements, therefore they are redundant when used back to back; thus, "as for," has been removed and simplified in the form of a possessive 's after the subject, "Spreadsheet" (both "as for" and " 's" represent a connected link to "spreadsheet").

Beginning of Sentence

• I have removed "here comes" because it does not flow well.
  It does not communicate anything to the reader.
  I have instead put "comes" later in the sentence. The reader will now understand what you are trying to communicate.
• "Contrary" is not an appropriate word to use in order to connect this sentence to the previous sentence.
  You should use "on the other hand " or "however". I have chosen "however" to make the sentence flow better.
• "While," emphasizes that you had this revelation during your actual meeting(s).
• The opening few words are a transition. A transition marks an introduction to a sentence. It's a way to show the reader how to understand the upcoming information.
  It's separate from the rest of the sentence, and is always separated by a comma.
• "Yet," is more formal than, "but," especially to begin a sentence.
  * drastic change: "Yet, he can't walk, because that's how TV shows work; how boring it would be to watch a man walk down a street for 21 hours!"
    (as in, That's how TV shows work, in order to not be boring)
  <-- But he can't walk, because that's how TV shows work. (How boring it would be to watch a man walk down on the street for 21 hours!)
  ** drastic change: "Yet, he can't walk, because that's how TV shows work; and, who wants to watch a man walk down a street for 21 hours?"  (as in, That's how TV shows work, otherwise, viewers would not tune in)
  <-- But he can't walk, because that's how TV shows work. (How boring it would be to watch a man walk down on the street for 21 hours!)
• albeit?
  〈主に文〉～にもかかわらず、～ではあるが◆【同】although
  〈主に文〉たとえ～でも◆【同】even if
• Whereas?
• 'But at the same time' helps this sentence to flow on well from the previous one.
• "Above all," and "As for (subject)" are both transition statements, therefore they are redundant when used back to back; thus, "as for," has been removed and simplified in the form of a possessive 's after the subject, "Spreadsheet" (both "as for" and " 's" represent a connected link to "spreadsheet").
• 
  

Connection of Sentences

• "whether or not," is placed earlier in the sentence in order to maintain fluid, or smooth, language.
• "consequentially" emphasizes that speaking smoothly is a consequence or result of writing quickly.  [IDIY]
• 
  

Time

• * I have put "today" at the end. This makes it more natural.
• "still" and "now" refer to the same time (present); therefore, to avoid repetition/ redundancy, one has been removed. x still now
  "now that I am in," makes your personal voice stronger ;)
• "while" implies that you were able to run home, in the meanwhile taking many stops; "with," is unnatural in this context.
  * drastic change: "I once ran 70 km home in 11.5 hours, all the while having breakfast, lunch, and long breaks in convenience stores."
  ** drastic change: "It once took me 11.5 hours- including long breaks for breakfast, lunch, and at stores- to run 70 km home."
  <-- (Original) When I ran for 70km to come home, with taking breakfast and lunch, having long breaks in convenience stores, it took 11.5 hours.
• Secondly, because you are writing about what might happen in the future, you should include the word 'will' so that this in in the future tense.
  --> how VCs will put pressure
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Conciseness

• To make your sentence more concise (clear and using few words) or more formal, you can change "There are a lot of flights to go to Samui Island" to "A lot of flights go to Samui Island".
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Orders of Words

• "thesis," has been pushed earlier, to introduce the title of your thesis: this gives your actual thesis title more power and purpose!
• Please change '...IPO of Airbnb...' to '...Airbnb's IPO...'.
  There is nothing wrong with writing 'IPO of Airbnb', but it does not sound idiomatic whereas 'Airbnb's IPO' does.
  The form 'Airbnb's IPO' is generally preferred by native speakers. Perhaps the reason is that it is easier and faster to say.
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That (conjunction etc.)

• I saw a news article reporting that <-  I inserted "that" to make the sentence sound more natural and clear when it introduces the indirect statement. (conjunction)
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noun + noun

• "startup's products," implies that the products belong to startup;
  "startup products," implies startup is the type of (adjective) product it is. [意味不明]
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in

• When starting with "in," it generally refers to a future action. This means that it would be this coming summer, rather than the past summer.
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on

• on vacation
• "On our journey," is more natural than, "in our journey;"
  like the word, "path," "journey," is something we "walk" on, or embark upon.
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of

• I'm truthfully appreciative of her. (not for)

these/those

• You're speaking here about trips in a quite close fashion - meaning they are close to mind and the topic of discussion right now.
  This means that "these" is a better choice over "those" for this type of sentence.
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's

• Bangkok airport -> Bangkok's airport
• Google Spreadsheet's version <-- Google Spreadsheet, UI/UX is superb.
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Quotes

• "MVP," is in quotes, because it is the actual title/classification.
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